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The Universal Reason Relationships Fail
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You're with your man and he seems a little
"off" his game. He's quieter than usual. He
listens to you telling him about your day, and
instead of responding to you or asking you
questions, he just sits there.
Maybe he nods a few times, maybe he sighs and
looks away.
He distracts himself with the T.V. or with his
cellphone or laptop.
He's somewhere else in his mind, and not with
you.
It's as if he's angry at you, or just annoyed
at what you're telling him (except that you don't
get WHY).
You ignore this at first and just keep on
talking, because even though He seems like he's in
a MOOD, you're feeling pretty good and you hope
he'll snap out of it and get back to the
easygoing, loving man you enjoy being with.
But he doesn't. He just continues to act a bit
distant and disconnected.
So you ask him, "What's wrong? Are you mad at
me about something?"
And this is where he looks at you with that
blank or dismissive look and replies, "Nothing's
wrong. I'm fine."
But he's not fine, and you know it.
If you try to probe him further, he gets even
quieter and more withdrawn. He may even act
ANNOYED at you for trying to get something out of
him that he obviously isn't in the mood to
discuss.
So you try to go on with what you were doing,
but it just doesn't FEEL RIGHT.
You don't want to continue to share with him
because it seems like he's not really listening
and doesn't really care.
You can't enjoy the time you're spending with
him because you keep wondering what you DID WRONG.
Then YOU start to get annoyed, and angry.
What's wrong with him, anyway? What's he so
depressed/angry/crabby about? You tell yourself...
When something like this happens, it usually
goes one of four ways:
1) You can either ignore it and go on with
whatever you were doing, hoping he'll come around
and reconnect with you soon, but meanwhile you
start to feel resentful with every passing minute
2) You continue to try to cheer him up or get him
to open up, which only ends up backfiring
3) You get into a fight about it and bring up all
kinds of "other" issues while you're at it
or
4) You're in touch with and HONEST with what
YOU'RE feeling, and you communicate that to him
In my experience, most people don't choose #4.
Perhaps in your experience, you don't either.
You probably don't tell your man, "It makes me
feel insecure and uneasy when you're quiet and
distant. I feel like you're judging me or that I
did something wrong."
If you WERE to say that to him, he might snap
out of his funk and reassure you.
"It's nothing to do with you. I just had a
conversation with so-and-so earlier today that
really worried me."
And at that point, real communication and
intimacy can happen. No resentment, no imagined
judgments, no wondering or worrying.
And so - this is the UNIVERSAL problem and
solution to almost ALL relationship difficulties -
the ability to know what you're feeling and then
communicate that honestly and completely to your
partner.
Not just you, but your man, too. It goes both
ways.
"off" his game. He's quieter than usual. He
listens to you telling him about your day, and
instead of responding to you or asking you
questions, he just sits there.
Maybe he nods a few times, maybe he sighs and
looks away.
He distracts himself with the T.V. or with his
cellphone or laptop.
He's somewhere else in his mind, and not with
you.
It's as if he's angry at you, or just annoyed
at what you're telling him (except that you don't
get WHY).
You ignore this at first and just keep on
talking, because even though He seems like he's in
a MOOD, you're feeling pretty good and you hope
he'll snap out of it and get back to the
easygoing, loving man you enjoy being with.
But he doesn't. He just continues to act a bit
distant and disconnected.
So you ask him, "What's wrong? Are you mad at
me about something?"
And this is where he looks at you with that
blank or dismissive look and replies, "Nothing's
wrong. I'm fine."
But he's not fine, and you know it.
If you try to probe him further, he gets even
quieter and more withdrawn. He may even act
ANNOYED at you for trying to get something out of
him that he obviously isn't in the mood to
discuss.
So you try to go on with what you were doing,
but it just doesn't FEEL RIGHT.
You don't want to continue to share with him
because it seems like he's not really listening
and doesn't really care.
You can't enjoy the time you're spending with
him because you keep wondering what you DID WRONG.
Then YOU start to get annoyed, and angry.
What's wrong with him, anyway? What's he so
depressed/angry/crabby about? You tell yourself...
When something like this happens, it usually
goes one of four ways:
1) You can either ignore it and go on with
whatever you were doing, hoping he'll come around
and reconnect with you soon, but meanwhile you
start to feel resentful with every passing minute
2) You continue to try to cheer him up or get him
to open up, which only ends up backfiring
3) You get into a fight about it and bring up all
kinds of "other" issues while you're at it
or
4) You're in touch with and HONEST with what
YOU'RE feeling, and you communicate that to him
In my experience, most people don't choose #4.
Perhaps in your experience, you don't either.
You probably don't tell your man, "It makes me
feel insecure and uneasy when you're quiet and
distant. I feel like you're judging me or that I
did something wrong."
If you WERE to say that to him, he might snap
out of his funk and reassure you.
"It's nothing to do with you. I just had a
conversation with so-and-so earlier today that
really worried me."
And at that point, real communication and
intimacy can happen. No resentment, no imagined
judgments, no wondering or worrying.
And so - this is the UNIVERSAL problem and
solution to almost ALL relationship difficulties -
the ability to know what you're feeling and then
communicate that honestly and completely to your
partner.
Not just you, but your man, too. It goes both
ways.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sione on -
Vinaka le croix. I will keep that in mind and take it in hand.:) But what do I tell the cat when its her turn to chat with me about the universe? As much as I love my dogs I also love my ... cat ...:)
There has got to be another universal solution? AND dont forget the flying foxes.
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Permalink Reply by Bluetiful on -
touching story man............wish u and ur dogs a happy new year............
-
Permalink Reply by daman andrew on -
there aint any
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Permalink Reply by Sione on
-
The universal reason? L.O.V.E. We have no problems when it comes to war.
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Permalink Reply by JiJi on -
Well maybe relationships are made to fail.
And to fixx it is totally up to us.
I guess thats what makes us work so
hard to keep a relationship active.
Takes work.
Or maybe takes nufin at all.
we can just give up for the better.
Or maybe i am wrong!!
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Permalink Reply by Unaisi Koroi on -
In order to have a long and lasting relationship with someone, you must have excellent communication skills. You must be able to convey your emotions and your thoughts, as well as being able to absorb your partner's emotions and thoughts.
Communication is definitely not a one-way street. The "phone-lines" must run both ways. You could sit your partner down and talk to him/her all day long about how you feel, and about where you think this relationship is going. But if you don't LISTEN TO THEM, than all of your words are meaningless. Mainly because they know you aren't willing to listen to them, and you will not hear them out because you are too involved with yourself to allow anyone else to join in on the conversation.
The art of listening is probably even more important than the art of talking. You will learn and grow far more in your relationships if you would sit down and listen to your partner, instead of talking and voicing all of your opinions at once. Don't get me wrong; it is very important that you do voice your opinions. But you must listen to THEIR opinions as well, and take them into consideration.
If you feel that you are not hearing from your partner, or they aren't "communicating" with you. Than more than likely they are, but you just aren't listening correctly. Some people don't communicate with words, they communicate through actions. Which, if you pay close enough attention, are far more incisive into what they want to say. But the problem is, most of us don't pay close enough attention.
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Permalink Reply by Cupcakes on -
I think the universal reason for a relationship to fail is really because we fail to understand each other and more so hate being wrong about things....weilei... there's plenty fish in the sea people!!!! move on.... NEXT!
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Permalink Reply by Kaline on -
It starts to fizzle when 'she does not love me' is all he feels, thinks, believes and interprets when you resound ...
For the committed ...
At the beginning and the end of it all, it bodes down to what we each choose to value of what preserves the quality of intimacy in our relationships, determining which elements we may use to exorcise and depressurise endangering forces towards what we know we appreciate of the magnetising qualities of our men.
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