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The Universal Reason Relationships Fail
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You're with your man and he seems a little
"off" his game. He's quieter than usual. He
listens to you telling him about your day, and
instead of responding to you or asking you
questions, he just sits there.
Maybe he nods a few times, maybe he sighs and
looks away.
He distracts himself with the T.V. or with his
cellphone or laptop.
He's somewhere else in his mind, and not with
you.
It's as if he's angry at you, or just annoyed
at what you're telling him (except that you don't
get WHY).
You ignore this at first and just keep on
talking, because even though He seems like he's in
a MOOD, you're feeling pretty good and you hope
he'll snap out of it and get back to the
easygoing, loving man you enjoy being with.
But he doesn't. He just continues to act a bit
distant and disconnected.
So you ask him, "What's wrong? Are you mad at
me about something?"
And this is where he looks at you with that
blank or dismissive look and replies, "Nothing's
wrong. I'm fine."
But he's not fine, and you know it.
If you try to probe him further, he gets even
quieter and more withdrawn. He may even act
ANNOYED at you for trying to get something out of
him that he obviously isn't in the mood to
discuss.
So you try to go on with what you were doing,
but it just doesn't FEEL RIGHT.
You don't want to continue to share with him
because it seems like he's not really listening
and doesn't really care.
You can't enjoy the time you're spending with
him because you keep wondering what you DID WRONG.
Then YOU start to get annoyed, and angry.
What's wrong with him, anyway? What's he so
depressed/angry/crabby about? You tell yourself...
When something like this happens, it usually
goes one of four ways:
1) You can either ignore it and go on with
whatever you were doing, hoping he'll come around
and reconnect with you soon, but meanwhile you
start to feel resentful with every passing minute
2) You continue to try to cheer him up or get him
to open up, which only ends up backfiring
3) You get into a fight about it and bring up all
kinds of "other" issues while you're at it
or
4) You're in touch with and HONEST with what
YOU'RE feeling, and you communicate that to him
In my experience, most people don't choose #4.
Perhaps in your experience, you don't either.
You probably don't tell your man, "It makes me
feel insecure and uneasy when you're quiet and
distant. I feel like you're judging me or that I
did something wrong."
If you WERE to say that to him, he might snap
out of his funk and reassure you.
"It's nothing to do with you. I just had a
conversation with so-and-so earlier today that
really worried me."
And at that point, real communication and
intimacy can happen. No resentment, no imagined
judgments, no wondering or worrying.
And so - this is the UNIVERSAL problem and
solution to almost ALL relationship difficulties -
the ability to know what you're feeling and then
communicate that honestly and completely to your
partner.
Not just you, but your man, too. It goes both
ways.
"off" his game. He's quieter than usual. He
listens to you telling him about your day, and
instead of responding to you or asking you
questions, he just sits there.
Maybe he nods a few times, maybe he sighs and
looks away.
He distracts himself with the T.V. or with his
cellphone or laptop.
He's somewhere else in his mind, and not with
you.
It's as if he's angry at you, or just annoyed
at what you're telling him (except that you don't
get WHY).
You ignore this at first and just keep on
talking, because even though He seems like he's in
a MOOD, you're feeling pretty good and you hope
he'll snap out of it and get back to the
easygoing, loving man you enjoy being with.
But he doesn't. He just continues to act a bit
distant and disconnected.
So you ask him, "What's wrong? Are you mad at
me about something?"
And this is where he looks at you with that
blank or dismissive look and replies, "Nothing's
wrong. I'm fine."
But he's not fine, and you know it.
If you try to probe him further, he gets even
quieter and more withdrawn. He may even act
ANNOYED at you for trying to get something out of
him that he obviously isn't in the mood to
discuss.
So you try to go on with what you were doing,
but it just doesn't FEEL RIGHT.
You don't want to continue to share with him
because it seems like he's not really listening
and doesn't really care.
You can't enjoy the time you're spending with
him because you keep wondering what you DID WRONG.
Then YOU start to get annoyed, and angry.
What's wrong with him, anyway? What's he so
depressed/angry/crabby about? You tell yourself...
When something like this happens, it usually
goes one of four ways:
1) You can either ignore it and go on with
whatever you were doing, hoping he'll come around
and reconnect with you soon, but meanwhile you
start to feel resentful with every passing minute
2) You continue to try to cheer him up or get him
to open up, which only ends up backfiring
3) You get into a fight about it and bring up all
kinds of "other" issues while you're at it
or
4) You're in touch with and HONEST with what
YOU'RE feeling, and you communicate that to him
In my experience, most people don't choose #4.
Perhaps in your experience, you don't either.
You probably don't tell your man, "It makes me
feel insecure and uneasy when you're quiet and
distant. I feel like you're judging me or that I
did something wrong."
If you WERE to say that to him, he might snap
out of his funk and reassure you.
"It's nothing to do with you. I just had a
conversation with so-and-so earlier today that
really worried me."
And at that point, real communication and
intimacy can happen. No resentment, no imagined
judgments, no wondering or worrying.
And so - this is the UNIVERSAL problem and
solution to almost ALL relationship difficulties -
the ability to know what you're feeling and then
communicate that honestly and completely to your
partner.
Not just you, but your man, too. It goes both
ways.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by le croix (El flaco) on -
i think theres no universal solution!! some relationship are bound to fail!!however much we try!!
its destiny!!
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Permalink Reply by Bluetiful on -
hey......if there's a will there's a way......try being optimistic......
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Permalink Reply by le croix (El flaco) on
-
im just trying to be realistic!! in a perfect world i can guarantee that you will find perfection!!Unfortunately we dont dont live in a perfect world!!!
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Permalink Reply by joker smilin'face on -
sad to say, but there are times that though how optimistic we are, but it really doesn't help at all... Perhaps we tried all the possible way but it seems it made no sense at all...
I do believe that when LOVE is gone there are no possible way to save any relationship...
But for me, the best way to start and maintain a relationship is to always put GOD as the center of a relationship. Yes we will experienced a roller coaster relationship, but if both of you were binded not only with love, but also guided with GOD your relationship will always have direction...
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Permalink Reply by Sione on -
We cannot stop the two wrong people falling in love and we cannot stop the two right people falling out of love. Whoever you are in love with make sure they love you. Whoever loves you be honest with your love or no love for them. Thats what the universe told me the other day when I was talking to my dogs about such matters.
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Permalink Reply by roi on -
It's a complicated affair human lives...well most of the times anyways :) Each life is unique. :)
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Permalink Reply by Sione on
-
Yep I really love my dogs. They are loyal and protective and show unconditional affection. They are in tune with their surroundings and have many times walked between me and danger without me knowing it. I found a puppy one year and she followed me to the sea with the other dogs and while I went diving over the reef for fish she waited on the beach behind a big banyan tree. The more brave dogs came into the sea and waited on the reef for me even though the waves were getting high.
When I got back to the beach after some hours of diving I could not find the puppy. I looked everywhere. I was cold and had to take the village boys to the boarding college many miles away so I had to leave the beach hoping the puppy had found her way home.
I returned that night from taking the college boys and could not sleep worrying about the puppy. Next day I went early to the beach again and looked under the banyan tree. There she was - under a big leaf and still staring out to the ocean. Broke my heart she did but I was so happy to pick her up. She still waits there when I go diving or swimming. Its her banyan tree.
Yep I love my dogs. The universe allows me this privilege and the Good Book asks me to "name them" and "look after them". I feed them first before myself and I feel good. They make me feel good about myself and this stupid warring planet we stupid humans insist on destroying.
Yep I do know some bitches but none of them are mine:)
Animals like people dont care about how much you know until they know about how much you care.
I have seen some really horrible things humans have done to animals.
I pass on to you the real happiness that animals can give us. You can tell a lot about people by the way they treat animals. Stay well and woof woof from the dogs.:)
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Permalink Reply by le croix (El flaco) on
-
who let the dogs out!!! woof woof wooffff !!! the doggy style is the universal solution!!wooof woof woof!!
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