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correct!!..but dont wanna let him know that or his ego will grow..might make him think im blurry incapable without him..
Coz you lurrrrrrrrrrrrve HIM! :D:D
Hmm short-tempered men! Different to here, we're thinking, where you could put him on a time-out and leave for a bit. A weekend out. To attending to business out-of-State, giving him time to cool off, and to come around on his own. How would a Fijian man interpret his woman putting him on time-out to cool off? Why are we thinking it'll make it much worse? ... Unchartered territory there - Angry Fijian men. Naitasiri - we're unfamiliar with how they are, only knowing of how humongous their physiques are! They are big men! Not the type you'd want to anger - remotely. No! A totally Suva reaction there lol Our Uncles are from Naitasiri - but being Uncles we see them in a different light - Gentle giants - Sweethearts!
ahahhaha..Gentle giants indeed...Just dont push the wrong buttons de so vakaciriciri sobu mai na bitu!!..lol
Must be why the Aunts are always on their toes lolz Yup - wrong buttons.
Sometimes, without even trying we women - can really push them to their outer limits. We lead them to the water, then we force them to drink haha! And then they'll unleash the bitu, and their women will go WTF! Where did that come from?
Our unfair analogy there, because we'll be biased, for it's difficult for our Naitasiri uncles and our gentle giant Northerner Uncles were always super calm and cool, which is why we'd always deduced that it's the shorter men who have tempers! And it was always the shorter men who'd let loose. We have short uncles and they can get crabby.
lol....to bad we dont have anger management classes here...Like the other day, there was something wrong with our tv and Mr.NotsoGentle tried but coudnt fix it and he practically threw our TV out the back door!!!!..boommbannngg crash...I was like dou!!!..you need Jesus!!...and my 4 year old daughter said "Mum, hurry you better hide our phones or daddy will throw it out too...lol..she just breaks the ice..:D
Isn't that just cute@your wee 4 year old daughter. E kila vinaka tu na yaloi tamana :) :) Ucui tinana li - knows the temperament and already has the inherited tools to tame a giant :) :) ... Awww!
Wow@no anger management classes! What's really sweet about you declaring it here Taiqueen, is that you know your man would attend the workshops if made available. That's rather peculiar - we're thinking, where Churches don't even offer it as a regular weekly or bi-weekly class, like they do here in the US. It's not only availed by Clinics and the like, the Churches avail it, and are qualified and are regulated by Law Enforcement to host such events. With all our graduates, with the minimum of Psychology Minors or a Psychology with a Sociology combinations or even our med students who graduate with a Diploma allowing them in to General Practice - it is odd - that they don't think to volunteer their services in this area. Or even professionally.
We know that back in the day, the Anglican Church (all of them really), availed Pastoral Care & Counseling to Mens' Groups, addressing Anger in the Home, and avenues towards managing anger. You might want to look in to an Anglican Church near your area, and enquire with the Dean if you're in Suva, or the Vicar if you're out of Suva. You don't have to convert, and sometimes the camaraderie amongst men, discussing their men issues with the trained Pastoral Care priests, and sometimes members of the congregation who might be Psychiatry or Psychology Majors, are on hand to give gentle advise, without the menfolk feeling put on the spot, attacked - oftentimes over grog (yaqona) - a comfort spot for many.
The other Churches who do offer counseling that we do know of, are Assemblies of God and the Church of the Latter Day Saints, only that their approach are quite aggressive, in the sense that they kind of coddle and over-coddles - home visits, just to make sure that things are on the tepid level.
Mind you, Ka of Kaline can be a jabbering dolt too sometimes, in the height of her man's anger, atypically of our female line, vaka e kerea na leqalolz
Her man is well-trained lolz He tends to stick his whole head in the freezer, and that's not easy, he's almost 7ft and is predominantly Texan haha! With her chiming in, "Did you want to say something? Were you thinking something? Do you have something to say?" ROFL ... The poor thing is mumbling in to the freezer, meanwhile o au - sa noqu ga na madua ROFL Sikinala-ing - STOP IT - STOP IT - Wait until I leave! With her giving me that look - "What? I didn't do anything! Na cudru e sega ni mai cakacaka i ke! Yes - kumala vula no sunshine!" ROFL ... Oilei!! I get it - sometimes we just can't help it!
lmao!!!!!!!......aww man that is funny kaline....oilei!..:D :D
If it's a fact, then it's wrong!! We've gone past trying to re-confirm that not all Fijian Men are abusive towards their spouse. K & TQ have taken it a step further by assessing size, normal behaviour, provincial origin as a possible contributing factor to a men's character.
Love the scenarios related to how some wives react and the mystery surrounding the results....if the wife reacts in a particular way.
Ladies!!, I understand that this is a tough topic for some of you and I sympathize with you and your children for your sufferings. Some, have unfortunately come to understand that they just cannot impress their husbands to avoid the occasional beatings.
I'm sorry to say that some have no option but to stay.....some have accepted their husbands behaviour as part of marriage life.....some have even reached a stage that they aggravate minor situation in order to be abused. The scary part ...some ladies have accepted and appreciate the beating as foreplay!!
These abusive men do not beat their wives for nothing.....not in their right state of mind!
Alcohol, jealousy, lack of intimacy, impotence, arrogance are some of the main reason some husbands are abusive towards their wife.
I applaud those ladies who have adopted proactive reactions to avoid the abuse, they have taken the time to study what normally triggers their mens abusive reaction and how they should react to cool their man down....and eventually suceeded in saving themselves and their marriage.
This I need to stress!!...if a victim, you should probably take time to try and understand your man...try and assess this 2 for a start
a)his weakness....what normally cause him to boil and react and b) his strength....what can cool him down, which will involve what you say and how you act to influence his negative temperament.
Maintain your procedure if you are receiving positive result and build on your verbal, mental and physical reactions to convince him that you are genuine and he can't afford to continue and risk losing his treasure.
Love is a strong shield and a dangerous weapon. It is at our disposal to use for the right purpose...either in defending ourself or attacking our other half......do it with genuine love, it does work.
In case, you have exhausted all workable solutions, then I would not like to encourage you to do the right thing and LEAVE, while sane.
Beautiful LAX! Much appreciation for providing a male perspective on this discussion.
Your committed "... Some ladies have accepted and appreciated the beating as foreplay," is a poignant point, yet it fails to qualify in to the category of true sadomasochistic sex plays, for there are no "Safe Words," or "Safe Areas," and oftentimes, only one of the 2 is truly enjoying "the act" - sex with violence, sex in the height of violence, and sex after violence! And all these DO NOT qualify as makeup sex!!!
The Womens Crisis Center in Fiji, are inundated with complaints where women attest to being raped by their own boyfriends or husbands - dating back to their very early days. Rape is not love, rape is an uninvited, non-consensual act of aggressive sexual force; Rape is not the communication of love, granted that oftentimes health professionals can't make delineating points between a bout of consensual aggressive sex and rape, or rather, a bout of non-lubricated consensual sex, with rape. For women who aren't well prepared by their men, or for women who don't lubricate as well as others do, sex is said to be painful for them, for they experience vaginal tears even during the most congenial of congress.
Do you think LAX, that if the beating is foreplay, that our discussion with Taiqueen holds merit, where if one's man communicates love through beatings, then maybe that he too is asking for a wee tussle? Pre the boom-boom? Is blood the turn-on? A morphed form of SM and some womens' inability to escape the cycle, that evening, that day, the life - are their mens' form of bondage? Dependency is also a form of bondage! So how does one empower women - who are stuck? Complaints abound. Women don't like it! And most of these women, if given half the chance, would leave their men, or if there was to be a form of realisation to the kinds of sex their men want, following a bout of violence, surely some would like to be conscious players in the play of dom and sub vs being the sub all the time, to the extent of being hospitalised, broken, bruised, demoralised, dehumanised and vilified. If this was all about sex, why isn't "The Sex," communicated well?
Now we're back to square one - the failure to communicate between the sexes! If he likes rough-play, Fijian women are more than capable of rough-plays. But this isn't the case. Is the thrill, pummeling someone who can't hit back? Someone who cowers? Someone who is needy? Someone with "him" and fears being bereft of a life she has now grown accustomed? Naturally, the psychological entanglements to this aren't favourable towards the couples within our community. A conscious agreement "to play" would change it up, but it is NOT the case.
Having said all this, the comparative would be that despite complaints of abuse, and racial disparity in the British Military and the US Military, that abuse of any form is justifiable to those who aren't white. They stay, not because they like the abuse; They stay because they have become accustomed to the life; They stay because they find camaraderie; They stay because they finally believe in something; They stay because in a really weird way - they belong; They stay because they want their lives to count for something and to be a part of something, greater than themselves. Does that qualify or justify the ill-treatment of the coloureds or the 2nd minority - women in the Forces? No! There is no justification for ill-treatment.